Mere Mortals

Today, there is a very important reason why this blog pamphlet posting has been written a similar way to...



...a book...



CHAPTER ONE

The activity in my library could be picking up pace.  All the volunteers arrived at the same time as each other this morning, which is a very unusual occurrence.  There are some volunteers who usually turn up on a regular basis and others who usually turn up from time to time, but rarely does anyone turn up on time.

Your local public library probably requires your services for much of the time, dear reader, especially if you are a mere mortal.  You may also wish to work in mine.  What sort of qualities do you express in any capacity as an enlightened volunteer?

If you are a paid and properly trained librarian, perhaps you may wish to assist as a volunteer in my ethereal and digital library from time to time, in order to develop the immortal benefits of your profession.  But I am forgetting.  This is supposed to be a literal and literary narrative and not an invitation to conversational and institutional interaction.




CHAPTER TWO

This morning's enthusiasm may have been for two very special announcements.  During one of my regular, previous special announcements, I stated that today, at 8am precisely, I would be making two more special announcements of a very special nature.  The more likely reason for the eager attendance, however, was that the announcements would be followed by a free buffet breakfast and the chance to win some very nice rare antique book shelves.

So, the volunteers all arrived at once and jostled for seats in the parlour for quite some time, while the more thoughtful ones went to the dining room for a while to sulk and gossip amongst themselves, then returned with a few mumbles, dragging some of my beautiful dining chairs behind them.  I am very glad that Monsieur de Tocqueville, Monsieur de Montaigne and Baron de Montesquieu spent all of yesterday polishing the floors and putting new felt pads under the legs of all my most movable furniture.

The first announcement related to Monsieur de Montaigne's new appointment.  Although he had already kindly and secretly accepted the invitation several days ago, and also said he hoped to stay on as the honorary supervisor of the volunteers in my library, if time permitted, it came as a complete surprise to many of the other volunteers when I announced this morning that Monsieur de Montaigne is now the Professor of Personal Essay Writing and Philosophical Blogging at the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence.




CHAPTER THREE

Some of the volunteers, whether ethereal beings or mere mortals, have a tendency to ignore the more important aspects of human interaction in their daily lives, especially if they are personages who do not read the right kinds of books or who watch too much television.  And although quietness has been an attribute I have commended and complimented in all of the ongoing library volunteers, there are several other qualities that some appear to be lacking.  Monsieur de Montaigne, on the other hand, lacks none of those qualities.

Quietness is an essential requirement in libraries, just as it is amongst audience members in unamplified concert halls, opera houses and music rooms.  Unwrapping boiled sweets or sticky chocolates, or munching on prawn crackers, is unacceptable in such environments, as is whispering loudly or fidgeting.  However, volunteers in any situation, like employees, also require competence, conscientiousness and compassion.




CHAPTER FOUR

Competence can be obtained through education and training, in some circumstances.  Those unable to achieve the required level of competence should always be asked, as politely as possible, to seek alternative ways to fill their time.  Whether you are a volunteer or an employee, dear reader, you are likely to be a mere mortal at present and this means that you will have a variety of limitations.  Perhaps it would be wise to acquaint yourself with the work of Doctor Laurence J Peter and Raymond Hull.

Conscientiousness and compassion are difficult to teach, except through blog-pamphleteering.  As an ethereal being, it is my duty to communicate on a higher level of consciousness than any mere mortal, even though most mere mortals appear to be incapable of opening their minds adequately (which may be a sign of their incompetence).




CHAPTER FIVE 

Now, however, let me continue with my recollections of this morning:  The second very important announcement...

It is my very great pleasure to be the first to tell you (as all of my library volunteers are still eating and not tweeting) that a mortal person has been named as the Inaugural Interim Professor of 21st century English Literature at the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence.

Professor Hero M Pathi has many research interests and never enough time to fulfill them all to her own satisfaction.  She is familiar with philosophical attitudes on a global and local scale and seeks to find enlightenment by any means possible.  She is not particularly enthusiastic about epic poetry, of any era, especially as she has a mortgage to pay off within the next two or three thousand years.

Professor Pathi has a very logical mind, but also one capable of good reasoning.  She is especially looking forward to working with Doctor Piscopia, my principal private secretary, and with Professor de Montaigne, as they investigate whether the 21st century will produce anything worthwhile for future generations to read.




CHAPTER SIX

It is well past 11am and all is quiet on the library front.  The volunteers have finished eating and most appear to have fallen asleep.  It seems that no work will be done amongst them for the rest of the day and the cataloguing of my various collections will be left undone for quite some time. 

Unlike most library catalogues, mine is intended to be more useful for those who wish to know the intentions and milieu of writers and publishers.  The more mundane statistical and reference data usually collected in libraries is not to my taste in a domestic environment.  I am sure that your local public library contains the usual data, dear reader, hence the uniqueness of my own catalogue, and the usefulness of your local public library's catalogue for a much wider range of readers and their peculiar interests than I am able to serve.

 ~ THE END ~

...Well, that is all I want to say on this Remembrance Day, except for a reminder to anyone with a car similar to the one owned by Mr Marco Polo:  

Please attach a technically-advanced, ultra chic and socially-appropriate silencer to its exhaust, and put a similar device on your nose.  You may also wish to put your foot in your mouth rather than on the accelerator as, after all, you are only a mere mortal.

~

Wishing you a happy and timely end, 

dear mortal reader.

And world peace, of course.

~