Nuisances

The elegantly liveried servants of Australia Post have now almost completed the tremendously important delivery of...

...postal ballots to thousands of correctly addressed Adelaidean postal voters.  Now the voters have the tremendously important task of being able to distinguish between awarding votes, thinking about a ward, and organising their wardrobes.  This must be achieved in less than two weeks.

Arrival of the ballot papers

All the talk is of the future magnificence of our municipality.  However, voting can often be quite a nuisance when the candidates and I do not usually have any proper previous acquaintance with one another.  Even so, it is rather amusing that most mayoral candidates appear to have had no previous experience at all in the realm of local governance.

I am finding it exceedingly difficult to decide who should be awarded the right to represent my ward.  And it is very interesting indeed that both my local council and my local public hospital have wards, at least at present.

A ward is, in one sense of the word, a local government electoral district in these parts.  It is also the name of a place in a hospital where relieved patients can receive care.  Some persons in need of care have also been declared to be wards of the state.

The relief of patients is frequently due to the ending of hours, days or even months of patient waiting.  I am not at all sure why suffering personages are forced to endure such waiting times before the appointed day and time arrives for the proper investigation and alleviation of their suffering.

At the same time, I am not sure whether the outcomes of political elections bring any relief to anyone's suffering, whether at the local, state or federal levels of governance.  Perhaps a great deal of suffering is a consequence of badly designed structures of the social, economic and architectural varieties.  Bad design is especially to be noted as a principal cause of nuisances.

My local public hospital?

Persons who have a sickness, injury, disability, frailty, psychological disposition, small bank balance, or child in the womb, are frequently though of as nuisances when they are in need of professional care at tax payers expense. They themselves consider it a nuisance that they are perceived in that way when they have usually been tax payers themselves for quite some time.

Monsieur Adelaidezone is of a similar opinion.  He is often a most neglected creature, though extraordinarily supportive of my various endeavours.  He likes to supervise our gardening volunteers whenever he is able to do so, though we often employ the professional and experienced architectural landscaping services of Messrs. Schomburgk and Tjilbruke for tasks requiring geographically appropriate expertise.

As Monsieur Adelaidezone is currently unwell, Australia's governmental authorities believe that I am required to take upon myself the duties of an unpaid nurse and slave-like general servant, otherwise known as a carer.  Of course, I shall require a great deal of assistance if I am to provide the highest standard of care, which is why I am seeking your support, dear reader.

Monsieur Adelaidezone

Unfortunately, our new neighbour, Mr Newhouse, has become rather too enthusiastically friendly.  He has been bringing me cups of sugar to borrow when I do not need to borrow any sugar.

Mr Newhouse has also, at very regular intervals, been buying me very large bunches of flowers, even though I currently have a garden full of flowers.  He has given me several exotic potted plant specimens of a quite unsuitable nature for my mature and landscaped surroundings.  Perhaps these are acts of sympathy, but they are rather trying and tiring.

One of my kitchen cupboards now contains several boxes of the most unhealthy, high-fat varieties of chocolates, given to me by Mr Newhouse.  I am unlikely to eat any of those confections, nor even put them into my composting bin.

The cabinet under the sink in my bathroom now contains several very expensive and beautifully wrapped bottles of commercially produced perfumes that I would never use.  All have recently been given to me by a now very annoying neighbour.

Mr Newhouse even appears to think he is a fully qualified physician, though the jar of leeches he presented on a silver tray earlier today makes me think otherwise.  This is all very unsettling indeed.

More unwelcome intrusions

The activities of Mr Newhouse have not been the only annoying events in my recent experiences.  Some of the ladies from the Revolutionary Climatological Needlepoint Committee arrived unexpectedly this afternoon.  They proceeded to help themselves to tea, cake and sandwiches in my parlour while giving unsought advice on cures.

I am not sure why they believed they could appear on my doorstep without an invitation, nor why they could offer medical advice without even knowing the symptoms of Monsieur Adelaidezone's ailments.  The ladies even brought along their own husbands, which is an unacceptable practice on any occasion.

As if these difficulties are not enough to deal with for one day, I am also considering raising objections about the outrageous recent behaviour of Queen Charlotte.  In view of my very understandable absences of late from the above mentioned committee, Queen Charlotte has been seeking to extend her powers as its President.  She has even suggested that the committee raise funds to buy a digital embroidery machine, hoping to use the contraption in our ongoing efforts to speed up the climatological revolution.

Mr P. Bruegel Snr. depicts our Committee thus

Unfortunately, it appears that Queen Charlotte has also failed to give up her snuff taking habit.  It sets a very bad tone indeed.  When she was appointed as Chancellor of the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence, she gave a very long speech in which she mentioned that her Snuffy Charlotte days were over.

However, she has been sneezing far too often for the excuse of hay fever to be tolerated any longer, especially as it is raining in Adelaide today.  And she has been seen snooping around my musical silver snuff box collection, possibly in search of habit forming substances.  It just will not do.

I blame that first fashionable snuffer, of course, Catherine de' Medici.  Although Queen Catherine has made an even more significant contribution to the visual and culinary arts than Queen Charlotte, I do believe that neither personage can suitably assist me in caring for Monsieur Adelaidezone, which is now my priority.

A Miss Nightingale has offered her services, and I am told she is reasonably well qualified.  This is to be welcomed, of course.  I leave most of the housework to suitably qualified volunteers, as you may already be aware.  And I have no aptitude for nursing whatsoever. 

Young Miss Nightingale

Although I would never consider Monsieur Adelaidezone to be a nuisance, I do wish his ailments would not be so consuming of my time.  Amongst my many duties and activities, I have an opera composition to complete.

You may be aware that spousal difficulties of various kinds have been a frequent operatic theme, and one that appears to be very popular with audiences.  Perhaps most opera goers prefer to attend performances in the company of persons to whom they are not married.  This is something for which I am unqualified to judge as Monsieur Adelaidezone has been an operatic aficionado of the highest standing for many years, even when sitting down.

Several of our friends, associates and acquaintances can be nuisances at times.  Many have produced rather large families, both legitimately and illegitimately.  I would not mind so much if they could remember not to ask us to relieve them of their parenting duties whenever they wish to attend the opera.  My preference is to avoid all mention of offspring until such children reach a suitably civilized age, which for many of the unenlightened ones may not be until they are at least 45 or 50 years old.

Children, their parents, and all persons living in the vicinity of other dwellings, should not make a nuisance of themselves.  I do not like irrational, attention-seeking behaviour of any sort.  Do you think Mr Newhouse will soon purchase a noisy motorbike, a high powered car, a snare drum, or a florescent work shirt to wear on even the most formal of occasions?  Mr Adelaidezone needs to rest, and so do I.

Kate the Great

Now there is more bad news.  I have just receive a postcard from Kate, a German backpacking acquaintance who is travelling around Australia in a Kombi van with her friends Pete from Russia, Fred from Germany, Al from England and Alex from Melbourne.  They are windsurfing their way around the coast and hope to spend a week in Adelaide very soon.  What a nuisance.  The last time Kate visited me, she brought along some very unsavoury serfs.

Now, please excuse me, dear reader. Monsieur Adelaidezone seeks the use of a bed pan.    Perhaps you have some idea of what may be wrong with him, and what I should do.   I am considering appointing an interim groom of the stool for the most intimate of duties.  You may wish to apply for the position.


Our general practitioner, Dr Hippocrates, is most perplexed by the condition of Monsieur Adelaidezone.  The good doctor has suggested the same general cure as he prescribes for most ailments, namely plenty of rest, peace and quiet, good food, and a couple of aphorisms to be taken with a glass of water after meals.

Life may be short.  Art (and my blog pamphlet postings) may sometimes be long.  Opportunity may be fleeting.  Experience may often be misleading.  To judge wisely is always difficult.  And a lack of enlightenment is frequently a nuisance.